Tips to Make Good, Healthy, Happy, Loving Long-Lasting and Great Relationships
Different people define relationships in different ways. But in order for a relationship to be healthy, it needs a few key ingredients!
What makes a good relationship?
The Psychology of Close Relationships offers her advice on how to have healthy and loving romantic relationships.
(1.) BE A GOOD LISTENER
Being a good listener is the best kind of support. When your partner has a problem or needs help with something, it’s natural to want to step in and fix things. But this usually isn’t what they really need. 50% of people said being a good listener is the best way a partner can support them. Coming in second was helping them get things done (28%) followed by being a good problem solver (20%).
(2.) SEE THE BEST IN YOUR PARTNER AND THE RELATIONSHIP
If you’re looking for signs of kindness, that’s more likely to stand out to you. How you think about and interpret your partner’s actions, intentions, and words also affects how you feel and understand a situation with them, which in turn affects how you behave toward them.
Put it into practice: Spend a week looking for anything and everything your partner does “right.” You can even jot down anything you notice for each day if you choose.
(3.) HAVE FUN
Couples who engage in exciting and enjoyable activities together have greater relationship satisfaction from before to after the shared activity. As several studies have shown, couples who play together stay together.
Put it into practice: Choose an activity with your partner that you’ve never done together before that you would both find engaging and fun, such as taking dancing lessons, staying the night at a new town and exploring it, or indoor skydiving. You can also try something with your partner that he or she enjoys that you’ve never done before.
(4.) RESPECT BOUNDARIES AND PRIVACY
Allowing each other to set boundaries (link is external) and permitting privacy is a great key. Technological developments make it so easy for us to track each other and to be in constant communication.
However, permitting each other to have a private space and avoiding pushing the other person to do things they would prefer not to do helps a lot in creating sustaining happiness in relationships. Respecting boundaries and permitting privacy will do wonders for building up mutual trust!
(5.) DIG DEEP TO UNEARTH YOUR FEELINGS
In most disagreements, we communicate from the “Top Layer,” which are the obvious emotions such as anger, annoyance and the like. Leading from this place can create confusion, defensiveness and ultimately distract from the real issue. Start communicating from the “Bottom Layer” (i.e. What feelings are really driving your reactions such as disappointment, rejection, loneliness, disrespect etc.).
This type of expression creates an instant sense of empathy because it requires honesty and vulnerability to share from this space. Tension will dissipate and from here, solutions can spring. Just be sure to use kind, non-reactive phrasing when expressing these bottom layer feelings, such as “I felt hurt by…” as a replacement for “You’re such a jerk” etc.
(9.) HAVE HEALTHY CONFLICTS
Surprise, conflicts can be healthy in relationships! If you go into a relationship expecting never to fight, you’ll lose out on great relationships because the first fight might well lead to the end of the relationship.
Instead, learn strategies for healthy conflict resolution, and talk about them with your relationship partner before the fact.
(10.) Seek To Understand ... not agree.
Easy in concept, difficult in application. Conversations quickly turn to arguments when we're invested in hearing our partner admit that we were right or when we are intent on changing his/her opinion.
Choose to approach a conversation as an opportunity to understand your significant other’s perspective as opposed to waiting for them to concede. From this perspective, we have an interesting dialogue and prevent a blowout or lingering frustration.
(11.) MAKE YOUR APOLOGY COUNT
It’s well understood that apologizing is a good thing but it only makes a real impact when you mean it. Saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you see it that way” are a waste of time and breath. Even if you don’t agree that your action was wrong, you will never successfully argue a feeling.
Accept that your mate feels hurt and from this place, a real apology can have a significant impact. When you love your partner and hurt them (intentionally or not) you can always legitimately apologize for the pain you caused regardless of your perspective on what you did or didn’t do.
You are now, officially armed with the comprehensive exercise routine to fully reshape your relationship. Trim the fat and build your hottest relationship for life!
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